February 2011
48 posts
January 2011
35 posts
OH Daaad! You're so funny!
Energetic contestant on game show: HI! I'm Scott, a 17 year old high school senior from Burke, Virginia!
Dad (mimicking kid's excitement): But actually I'm a 35 year old lawyer!
Me: Hahaha I totally see that!
Oh, Dad.
Me: Who's that guy that just died?
Dad: What guy?
Me: I don't know, that old guy with the juicer.
Dad: Oh, Jack Lelanne.
Me: How old was he?
Dad: Nine hundred and ninety five years old.
Currently...
I’m trying to convince my dad to watch The Parking Lot Movie (a documentary about a parking lot and people that work at the parking lot) or I Think We’re Alone Now (a documentary about a 50 year old autistic man and an “intersex” woman who are obsessed with Tiffany, the pop star from the 80s). I think my choices are perfectly reasonable. Alas, we shall watch Dr. Parnassus...
Josiah
To preface this story, let me explain my thoughts on children. I want children. Buuuuuuuut sometimes when I see bratty or annoying kids or even adults, it makes me wonder how awful it would be to have kids that were like that. What if I spoiled my kids? What if I made them bratty and horrible? What if they grew up to be horrible people? Also, I think about this basic timeline of human life. You...
3 tags
WatchRachael Yamagata- Elephants
And I am dreaming of them with their kill, tearing it all apart, blood dripping from their lips, and teeth sinking in to heart. And how dare that you say you will call, when you know I need some peace of mind.. If you had to take sides with the animals, won’t you do it with one who is kind?
Worst movie ever.
I just attempted to watch Year One, and it was AWFUL. I called my mom to tell her how bad it was because it was THAT bad that I had to call a parent. She told me that my dad tried to watch it but couldn’t get past year 214. I was like, “huh?” Then she said, “it was a joke.” I didn’t know it was a joke because I only watched like 15 minutes, so I thought she was...
2 tags
Strand of Oaks- Two Kids
‘cause men my age,...
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1 tag
Story Time!
Last week I was in a dialysis clinic to see a group of patients I see monthly, however one did not show up. When this happens, I go to the nursing station to see why they’re not there. This is usually due to a hospitalization, planned absence, but more often than not, it’s just because the patient chose not to come in that day, which is coded as a “no show”. No shows happen...
Avett Brothers- Laundry Room
I am a breathing...
Oh, Amazon Super Saver Shipping
Gets me every time!
I recently purchased How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which has been noted as the possibly the first bestselling self-help books published. It’s been sitting on my nightstand staring at me for a little over a week, but I can’t get motivated to read it. I think the fact that it was written in the 1930s is turning me off from it, but...
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Year of the Dog
Ahhhhh hell nah Netflix! How was this a comedy? Not even 20 minutes in, and I was literally weeping.
Oh, Facebook.
I learned today that you can download everything you’ve ever done on facebook: every message sent, every picture posted, every status update.
If you go to Account—->Account Settings—->Download your information
I just did this and was reading messages I sent back in 2004. It was very, very nostalgic. So much so that it made me cry. Oh dear. I’m an emotional...
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WatchThis is my favorite episode of any tv show that has ever aired. Please enjoy.
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MMMmminty!
I recently purchased a Philips Sonicare Healthy White Power Toothbrush. I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I love it, I LOVE IT, I love it, I LOOOOooooOOOOOOoooooOOOoooooOOove it!!!! I’ll be the first to admit my breath can be pretty rank when I arise from my night of beauty sleep, but I swear to you I do not have morning breath any longer after using this toothbrush. It’s incredible....
Oh, Netflix!
I just watched City Island. It was delightful.
Toe Woes
I think I sprained the top joint of my big toe! My whole toe is now just a brownish/purplish bruise and a little bit swollen. It doesn’t hurt to walk because I didn’t hurt the knuckle joint, so it’s not so bad. I made the mistake of doing a google image search of broken toes. It was a horrifying collection of images. I don’t recommend it. Though it did make me think my own...
I am officially searchable on Google Scholar! →
Mopey Hopes
My hopes were high. High as a kite. High as a kite floating through space while smoking weed. This was a mistake because I put all my eggs in one basket, and the eggs were filled with hopes. The basket was also weaved of hope. It was an Easter basket because Easter is about resurrecting hope, and resurrecting messiahs. I hid the Easter basket for Marcy to find. I hid it in the oven thinking it...
Oh, Ian.
Ian: I was wedged between the couch and the coffee table, so to get myself out, I did a cartwheel.
Me: YOU CAN DO CARTWHEELS!? I LOVE DOING CARTWHEELS! LET ME SEE!
Ian: I don't have enough room.
Me: Just do it!
[Ian does a weird flip]
Me: HAHAHA WHAT WAS THAT!?
Ian: It was a cartwheel.
Me: THAT was not a cartwheel.
Ian: All my weight is in my legs.
Me: Your center of gravity is probably in your huge cankles.
Ian: I have cankles?
Me: No, just kidding!
Ian: If I had more room I could do a better cartwheel.
[moves to bigger room and does a half decent cartwheel]
Me: That was pretty good, but your legs weren't straight.
Ian: I don't care if my legs aren't straight.
Me: Well, you won't be winning any gold medals with a cartwheel like that.
Ian: Look, Tricia. I'm not trying to win any gold medals. I'm just trying to dislodge myself from the tight space between the couch and the coffee table.
Me: I'm impressed.
